I dropped out of carpentry school back when I was sixteen. This site should be no more of a challenge than that.

This is going to make your Tuesday a whole lot spiffier.

Give it a second to load and then check out:

The Red Diamond Dragon Club.

The Last Two Men on Earth.

And Phony Pony - but that’s just if you’re on go. It has lots to give.

You’re welcome!

I was going to make some Cosmo Kramer joke - but I got nothin’.

There’s some other good footage on there to.

Even though I’m not in sixth grade anymore - saying “hump day” is still a little funny.

Hey I’m back! And I’m nowhere near done with construction! It’s like an abortion in the night over here! The more the more I drink - the worse it gets!

My computer’s screamin’ but I keep comin’ at it with the coat hanger.

Maybe next time it’ll keep its knees together. ::rim shot::

- Good to see ya.

This is an ad I came up with for the site.

A FOREST. MORNING

Shots of nature.

A crooner comes out with a blast of fog. He’s in a tux with a scarf and wearing shades. He’s smoking a cigarette with a extender on it. He’s got a microphone.

Deer look up from what they’re doing.

Crooner
You know every time I play this woods it feels like -
(closes eyes)
the first time -
(swinging arm back at band that isn’t there)
hit it!

The crooner starts dancing to nothing.

MUSIC starts to trickle in until finally it’s blasting full force.

Crooner
You know ladies and gentlemen,
(pointing at deer)
rocks and squirrels, streams and trees!You’re not the first crowd I’ve sang to.
(shot of beaver)
But you are the best.

He makes an inward fist pump while exhaling a hearty:

Crooner
HEYA!

The crooner dances harder.

Crooner
(crooning)
When you’re in love - thank you
(pointing)

A bug takes no notice that it’s just been thanked.

Crooner
(singing)
The. Whole. World. Thinks. It’s -

A gun shot rings out. He flips backward - blood splattering from his head.

The forest is silent.

A hunter comes up.

Hunter
(Yelling behind him)
Hey! That looked like a ten pointer! Did you see the antlers on that?

The hunter looks down to see that he’s shot a vegas crooner by mistake. He feels sheepish.

Hunter
(Yelling behind him)
Hey it’s not as big as I thought. It’s not even worth cleaning. Let’s just go. Let’s shoot somethin’ else.

Fade to black

The hunter’s voices is heard in the dark.

Hunter #2
(yelling to him)
Are you sure?Hunter
Let’s just go!

SUPERIMPOSE:

SHYSTIE.NET

Hunter
You still got that whiskey?!Hunter #2
It’s a little early ta -

Hunter
I didn’t ask for a church sermon!
(to himself)
It’ll just decompose in the woods. Like it never happened.

Hunter #2
Hey did you hear singing?

SUPERIMPOSE:

“There’s no business like show business.”

Just after I decided to do major surgery on Shystie.net - my grandmother had a heart attack!

It’s funny but it’s true.

So, because of that, I won’t be home until next weekend.

All that to say - I’ll still get some posts in but I won’t officially be back until Monday.

I always feel like it’s bad luck to post a joke like three dick mouth. This morning I woke up and I was sure something was wrong with my prostate. My first reaction was to run to the computer and take that old woman’s picture down.

But, God help me, THE PICTURE STANDS.

Do you hear that God? THREE DICK MOUTH IS HERE TO STAY.

________________________________

Oh Jesus - all I can think about is seeing a urologist.

Thanks for nothin’, three dick.

The selling point for Bill’s first home was the chopping room.

Realtor: So what do you do Bill?
Bill: ::clearing throat:: I uh… hunt.
Realtor: I’m a quail man myself. What do you like?
Bill: …Human.

Realtor: Oh you’ve gotta see this trailer. The last guy in there was insane!
Bill: Yeah?
Realtor: Meat hooks, a face made of some kind of fur… You’re gonna love it!
Bill: Lead the way!

THREE DICK MOUTH.

Have a good Saturday everybody!

I’ve been revising the script for Project Blue Book all week. It’s my dream to make it. And I will make it. But I had to face some hard truths about what was shootable and what I just can’t do - yet.

For instance the scene where a house is on fire. As it turns out that’s too ambitious given the budget I’m working with.

I’m lucky enough to work a job where I can write pretty much all day long. So after a pulling a fifty hour week I’ve emerged with a shootable script.

The original version had a run time of around… three hours.

I have one camera and no crew.

But, I think the new one hour version is actually much stronger.

I’ve taken out a sequence where I would have needed hundreds of zombies.

And, You know, that’s just one of many changes I had to make. But reading over the new version I realized - I didn’t need all that extra stuff.

I am a filmmaker. And just because I work a job that really doesn’t cover all of my bills - doesn’t mean I’m a loser.

Check this out.

I’m down to one cup of joe a day. That’s nine less than normal.

Now if I could only cut down on my drinking!

Kidding. I’m not trying to cut down on my drinking.

“What yee reap so shall you so. Pig sticker.” Jon 3:16

I knew it! And I told all my friends. The secretary of defense was giving the orders for torture in Abu Ghraib. And now it looks like Donald Rumsfeld is going up for war crimes.

That’s justice baby. First they throw him out of office and now it’s his turn to listen to Gn’R full blast for three days - with a German Shepard watching!

Well, I’m personally all about that. But I’m an American. To an Iraque I guess that’s hell on earth. Whatever.

Oh this is sweet. Rumsfeld was a made guy! If that rat bastard gets sent up the river that means NONE OF THEM are safe.

Be warned fat cats. A hard rain’s gonna fall.